Male Delivers the Daily Derek
he’s done it again today
serial fear-monger
serial killjoy
in his oatmeal slacks
his garden centre loafers
his magnolia bonhomie
and his inner inferno of denied rage
the fawn-shirted bastard
mum and dad are vulnerable adults
conditioned by racists and sexists before them
dedicated to conditioning me and my sister in their turn
forelock-tugging tories with fuck-me orifices bared to the boss
and now in their dotage here comes derek
in his amazing head of beige hair
stuffing newspapers through letterboxes after the fake kindness of a newsagent run
every bloody day of every print-wrecked week with not even a day of respite on Supplement days
when he has the naked nerve to knock and suckle
from wallets and purses
with unctuous slobber
leave mum and dad alone you bastard
enough with this drip-feed poison
the veins are standing out on their poor perinea
i’ve a good mind to board up their helpless letter-box
where you get your daily male thrill
from shoving your venereal column
between those bristly nylon draught-excluding but not shaft-excluding clefts
stay in your own little ecru flatlet derek
buy what paper you like
but leave mum and dad alone
i’m warning you
Ted Eames, 2019